- March 31st, 2011
1. Masami is actually very insecure about... pretty much everything. It becomes rather obvious the more time one spends around him.
2. While Masami's emotions are gradually fading, he does have honest feelings for people based on how they've interacted. However, these emotions only vaguely come up when he thinks about or is around those people, unless it's fear.
3. Masami feels fear easier than other emotions because it's more instinctive. It's also the one he dislikes the most and is most affected by.
4. Is very afraid of Beq! He honestly wasn't expecting his first attempt at summoning to yield FALLEN ANGEL so he was just kind of like. AAHHH. He's grown more comfortable with him, but he's still very reserved about trying to give him orders or asking him to do something.
5. Despite this, he really, really wants Beq to like him. He didn't have much in the way of "making parents proud" when he was younger, so Beq is something like a stand-in for that. He really tries to give him his space, but at the same time he wants to follow him around like a puppy and try to make him happy.
6. On that note, Beq's emotions, usually being so calm and level, can sometimes freak him out. He really wants to feel something positive from him. He'd do nearly anything, but just doesn't know what to do. Even after a few years together he's still more used to human emotions constantly shifting.
7. Masami's aware he isn't exactly... normal, and he doesn't expect people to like him, ever, so it always shocks him when they're friendly.
8. However, he isn't aware there's something actually wrong with him. He just doesn't realize nobody else really has powers like this(except Hisoka, who frightens him initially no matter how many times they meet). He thinks when people find him "off", it's usually his responses to things.
9. Masami just doesn't know how to be social. He represses things like bullying and abuse in favor of not feeling at all, so while other people were learning social manners through that he missed a lot of it. He very literally learned how to be polite by reading out of a book.
10. Feelings like love, lust, and affection are very, very strange for him. He's still new at differentiating emotions from each other-- feeling these from other people is awkward for him, like he shouldn't be there. Lust is especially powerful, as it effects his body, so he tries to stay away from it as much as he possibly can. He's felt vague semblances of affection himself as well(playing with animals or taking care of his ducks, for instance), but he tends to attribute that to "fascination" more than anything else. He just doesn't know how to handle it.